Thursday, September 22, 2011
Omegle
The other day I was messin' around on Omegle. Somehow I ended up in a conversation with a really cool dude named Chris. We decided that at the end of our conversation, we should at least exchange e-mail addresses so that we could continue talking after I went to movie night at Charlie's dorm room. We've been e-mailing for a few days now. It's been about 27 hours since I responded to his last e-mail. Generally we reply daily. It's kinda sad, but I actually miss the e-mail. I get so excited when I see that I have a new message, only to discover it's spam. Then I feel bummed. So, yeah, new friend is really awesome and I can't wait to talk to him again...If he would just reply...
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
I laughed so hard when I read this.
Last night I stayed over at a friend's house. When I woke up to go to the bathroom, I was thoroughly confused when she told me not get lost. As it turns out, during the night I had slept walked to the bathroom but then went downstairs into her parent's room and pulled off their comforter, telling them it was on fire and I was saving them. Her dad peed himself. Her mom said she'd never laughed harder. MLIA
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Questions: 9th Installment
Morning of the announcement of the Cutter. Nannoc awoke to Aaron and his other roommates beating him in the face with their robes. Apparently he had slept much later than normal and they all had to go as a group. As fast as he could, he got himself ready to go. They then left the room in single-file, Nannoc at the lead, into the line of the other Children outside the room. An Adult came and led their procession into the meeting room where the rest of the Adults were waiting. As the Children entered, everyone in the room cheered as loud as they could. What else could they do? One of these Children was about to join their ranks in the Adult Society.
The Adult told Nannoc where to stop and slowly the rest of the Children fell into lines, fifteen across, five back. Then the Adult went over to his place while the Children remained standing as they were, facing the place the Elder would appear. Just below that outcropping, the fire was lit, creating odd shadows that danced across the walls with every pop or sizzle. Nannoc looked into the fire as he had just two months prior. This time, gazing deep into the bright flames, he saw something that looked like a boy running...and...next to him was a girl. Nannoc breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn't realized until that point that he was still worried that Lily wasn't going to make the right choice. But this proved it. He needn't worry about anything now. Everything would go as planned.
Right then, the Elder appeared above them and put his hands up for quiet. The crowd, which had still been cheering until that point, quickly fell silent. The Elder looked at the Adults and said, "Sephirin's People, I know you've been waiting patiently this last few months." He paused as murmurs of assent ran through the crowd. "Therefore, I will not waste any more of your time. The Child to be the Cutter during tomorrow's Initiation Ceremony will be..." Now he looked at the Children until his eyes finally rested on Nannoc's. Then he pointed and Nannoc stepped forward from the line as the Elder shouted, "Nannoc!" Once again the crowd cheered. Nannoc turned toward them, a triumphant smile on his face. How wrong their expectations of tomorrow were. There would be no Cutting. He wouldn't be here that long. Last night he had put all his necessary possessions in a hidden depression in the hall to the Outside. To make them easier to carry, he had wrapped them up in an extra robe that he had found somewhere. He was entirely ready to go, and had been more than ready in a mental sense for quite some time.
One of the Council came up to him and led him out of the meeting room. Before he left, Nannoc turned around, just to see the jealous expression on Aaron's face. Well, he would be getting what he wanted soon enough. In just a few moments they arrived at the Elder's room. It wasn't impressive in size, but the kinds of things in it were different. Nannoc had never seen anything like them, though he thought he recognized some from Lily's description of things from the Outside. Things like a "bed" instead of the straw mat that the rest of the People had. And there was something that looked like a "candle" for light inside the room. Why did the Elder have these things here? And why didn't he distribute them among the People if they were good enough to keep?
He didn't have very long to ponder these thoughts. The Elder came in and gestured for the Council member to leave. He then gestured to one of the men who served as guards. One of them went out, and the Elder started to speak again, "So, Nannoc. How do you feel?"
"Greatly honored, sir." He was careful to please the Elder, since he was about to destroy several centuries of traditions as soon as the guardsman came back.
"It's a wonderful feeling, isn't it, to know that you are about to become an Adult?"
"Yes, quite."
"Are you ready for everything that comes with that?" The Elder was staring at Nannoc intensely. Nannoc felt very uncomfortable under his gaze. It felt as he were a cow and the Elder was inspecting him. And judging by the face, Nannoc wasn't an entirely pleasing cow.
"What do you mean by that, sir?" He shifted, trying to release himself from the scrutiny of the People's leader.
"I mean, are you ready to accept your adult responsibilities? Including becoming a Hunter, since you're one of the best I've ever seen at the skills needed. Also including taking care of your two new wives."
"Yes, sir, I believe I'm ready for that."
"Well then, let's get those ladies out here so you can choose which ones you want." At that, the guard who had left came back leading a line of 10 girls, two of which Nannoc was supposed to pick for his own. "I'll have them each step forward; you pick the two that you want."
"Bu-" Nannoc didn't need to go through this; he already knew who he wanted.
"First is Natalie," the Elder interrupted. One of the girls stepped forward. She was beautiful, yes, and quite tall. Almost as tall as Nannoc. He shook his head; that didn't matter at all.
Taking it as a signal of his displeasure, the Elder waved Natalie back into the line and called up the next girl, Ariadne. The Elder asked, "Do you pick her?"
"No, I-" But once more the Elder cut him off and ushered a new girl forth; This was Elaine. Every time he tried to say something, the Elder interrupted. This happened for not only the first three, but with Rhiannon, Moira, Emmeline, Jaqueline, and Lia.
Nannoc's tries for attention got more adamant each time, to no avail. Finally, after Lia, he resorted to shouting, "SIR!" With that, the Elder paused in naming the next girl.
"What, Nannoc, gives you the need to interrupt your Elder?" Nannoc shrank back slightly under the intimidation of the Elder, but he had to say what he had to say.
"I don't want any of these girls. I already had a girl picked out for my wife." The Elder sat back in shock.
"Well, this is unconventional, but since you are an exemplary Child of the People, I will allow this. Tell me, Nannoc, who is she that you have chosen?"
"Well...her name is Lily." Nannoc's heart was pounding in his chest. To say he was nervous would have been an extreme understatement. He was shattering centuries of tradition and rules and betraying the People with an Outsider, specifically one set aside for the Cutting. The same Cutting that was initiating him into the Adult society.
"No one in the People is named...Oh. Nannoc," the Elder leaned down to Nannoc, who had his head down, trying to not make eye contact. "You've been breaking rules now, haven't you? Lily's the name of the millah who is to be Cut tomorrow, isn't it?"
"Yes, sir, she's the one I pick." He heard a small chorus of indignant and outraged sounds from the ten girls currently in the room. He had meant to tell the Elder before all the girls were brought in. There wasn't any help for that now, so he just had bear their scorn.
The Elder held up his hand to the girls, and they ceased. He raised one eyebrow and said, "Well, I assume since you've chosen her, she's chosen you, am I right?" Nannoc merely nodded. "Let's test that. If she chooses you, then I give you my express permission to take her as your wife and live out your life with her. If she doesn't choose you, I reserve the right to choose whatever punishment I deem appropriate for your inexcusable behavior and disregard for the rules." Standing up and putting his hand on Nannoc's back, the Elder said, "The ladies that Nannoc has turned down, I want you to come with me. The others can leave. As for the rest of us, we shall head down to the nursery to check see if Lily's affection measures up." With that, he more or less pushed Nannoc out into the hallway with the 8 girls right behind. Lily would undoubtedly say yes. Nannoc knew she would. She had to, or else suffer the consequences. But she would. And Nannoc comforted himself in the fact that, shortly, he and Lily would be free to go about their lives without the People there to oppress them.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
When they arrived in the nursery, they still had to walk past all the other millah. Nannoc smirked when he heard the wretching noises some of the girls made at the smell. Even the Elder and his guardsman wrinkled their noses. When the millah heard the commotion, for usually there were never this many people in the nursery, they began screaming and moaning to be let out. The girls looked incredibly nervous as Nannoc kept leading them (he had long since relieved himself of the Elder's grip) deeper into the tunnels past these noises. He could understand why, with the pleas for help, but he had long since numbed himself to all of the sounds and smells of the nursery. The Elder seemed to not even hear the screams. Neither did the guardsman. Did the Elder care, or had he too numbed himself? But he hadn't been down here in many, many years, decades perhaps. How had he gotten acclimated to this?
It didn't matter. All that mattered was that in just a few minutes, Lily and he could leave forever, never to be bothered again. When they finally entered the chamber for the sacrificial Outsiders, Lily was curled up, asleep in the middle of the room. Nannoc paused just inside, waiting for all the others to file in behind him. He then looked to the Elder for a signal as to what he should do next.
"Go wake her up so that we can talk to her." Nannoc bent down, put his hands on Lily's shoulders, and shook gently to wake her up. She looked greatly confused at first. In hushed whispers, Nannoc explained and her eyes opened wide as she turned to look over his shoulder at the man who had her imprisoned in the first place. Holding her hand, Nannoc refused to turn around when the Elder began to speak.
"So, Lily, Nannoc here has told me that you two are in love. He has chosen you as his wife over eight girls of the People. Before I let him do something that completely defies my rules, I need to know that his love is returned. As such, I have a simple question for you Lily: Nannoc has chosen you. Do you choose him?"
Lily turned her eyes back to Nannoc, looking scared. Not of the Elder, but of Nannoc. She pulled her hands out of his and pulled away slightly. He followed her with his eyes. In a small voice, she spoke, "I'm sorry, Nannoc, but I can't." He stared at her, not comprehending. What did she mean "she can't?" Her life depended on it.
"I'm sorry, what was that Lily? Speak loudly enough that we can all hear you." Nannoc could hear slight amusment in the Elder's voice.
"I can't. I can't marry Nannoc." Dropping her voice again, she spoke to only Nannoc, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." The slight sobs in her voice didn't change anything. Nannoc's face stiffened. He stood up, oblivious now to everything exept the fact that Lily, his only friend, the one person he opened up to, the one girl he'd ever wanted, turned him down. Not even to save her own life would she marry him. And it wasn't even a real marriage.
"Well, I suppose that's it then. Nannoc, you know I need to punish you now for breaking all my rules."
"Yes sir." He faced away from Lily. Her rejection spun its way through him, squelching every good feeling this last two months had brought him.
"Very well." The Elder turned to the girls who had been waiting impatiently on the side of the room. When Nannoc saw the smug little grins on their faces, he wanted to wring their necks. But what was the use? Lily had denied him. Nothing would change that fact. Nothing would change the inevitable punshiment he would recieve. Nothing would alleviate the feeling that had turned him cold on the inside. He was dead to the outside world. The Elder addressed the girls, "As you can see, Nannoc's choice of an Outsider for his wife didn't work very well. We need a way to remind him that this is always the case. Each of you should get your chance to remind him of this fact. Therefore, his punishment is forty total lashes, five from each of you." The Elder then left, leaving everything else to his guardman.
Nannoc was stripped of his robe, exposing his bare skin to the cold air of the cave. He was then shoved down to his hands and knees. He didn't resist; nothing mattered now. The guardmans took his whip and gave it to the first of the girls, Natalie. Every single one of the girls of the People had been trained in using a whip so that they would never be useless in a battle. Each time the whip was lashed across Nannoc's back, it had that force and an indignant anger behind it. He knew he should feel it hurt, but it couldn't compare to what he felt inside. He closed his eyes and took his punshiment. He deserved this. It was his fault. He broke all those rules; he should be punished. This must be Sephirin's punishment for going against the rules of his spokesman, the Elder. Each girl had five chances to hurt him as much as possible, and they were planning on it. Each stroke of the whip was strong enough to tear his back apart.
Forty lashes later, the guardsman took his whip back from Lia, the last girl. He looked disappointed that Nannoc hadn't screamed or cried at all. He then ushered the girls from the nursery, but they each took one last moment to express their scorn: each of them spat on Nannoc. When he was sure they were all gone, Nanoc, lay down on his side. He heard Lily still whispering a pathetic, pitying, "I'm sorry," behind him. He knew his back must be a complete mess of blood and horrific wounds. He almost felt sorry for her. Almost.
As he lay there in the darkness, the damp stone floor beneath him, he contemplated what was going to happen next. He almost wished he was in Lily's position tomorrow; everything would stop. There would be no more to worry about; nothing more to pain him. It would be over. That's what he could do. When everyone was expecting him to celebrate his victory through Initiation, he would end his own life. How ironic that it would be with the same sword that brought him to Adulthood that he would die. As these thoughts went through his head, tears began falling from his eyes; tears for Lily, tears for himself, tears for the People, tears for the world. Eventually, he fell to unconsciousness despite the pain. Tomorrow would tell all.
The Adult told Nannoc where to stop and slowly the rest of the Children fell into lines, fifteen across, five back. Then the Adult went over to his place while the Children remained standing as they were, facing the place the Elder would appear. Just below that outcropping, the fire was lit, creating odd shadows that danced across the walls with every pop or sizzle. Nannoc looked into the fire as he had just two months prior. This time, gazing deep into the bright flames, he saw something that looked like a boy running...and...next to him was a girl. Nannoc breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn't realized until that point that he was still worried that Lily wasn't going to make the right choice. But this proved it. He needn't worry about anything now. Everything would go as planned.
Right then, the Elder appeared above them and put his hands up for quiet. The crowd, which had still been cheering until that point, quickly fell silent. The Elder looked at the Adults and said, "Sephirin's People, I know you've been waiting patiently this last few months." He paused as murmurs of assent ran through the crowd. "Therefore, I will not waste any more of your time. The Child to be the Cutter during tomorrow's Initiation Ceremony will be..." Now he looked at the Children until his eyes finally rested on Nannoc's. Then he pointed and Nannoc stepped forward from the line as the Elder shouted, "Nannoc!" Once again the crowd cheered. Nannoc turned toward them, a triumphant smile on his face. How wrong their expectations of tomorrow were. There would be no Cutting. He wouldn't be here that long. Last night he had put all his necessary possessions in a hidden depression in the hall to the Outside. To make them easier to carry, he had wrapped them up in an extra robe that he had found somewhere. He was entirely ready to go, and had been more than ready in a mental sense for quite some time.
One of the Council came up to him and led him out of the meeting room. Before he left, Nannoc turned around, just to see the jealous expression on Aaron's face. Well, he would be getting what he wanted soon enough. In just a few moments they arrived at the Elder's room. It wasn't impressive in size, but the kinds of things in it were different. Nannoc had never seen anything like them, though he thought he recognized some from Lily's description of things from the Outside. Things like a "bed" instead of the straw mat that the rest of the People had. And there was something that looked like a "candle" for light inside the room. Why did the Elder have these things here? And why didn't he distribute them among the People if they were good enough to keep?
He didn't have very long to ponder these thoughts. The Elder came in and gestured for the Council member to leave. He then gestured to one of the men who served as guards. One of them went out, and the Elder started to speak again, "So, Nannoc. How do you feel?"
"Greatly honored, sir." He was careful to please the Elder, since he was about to destroy several centuries of traditions as soon as the guardsman came back.
"It's a wonderful feeling, isn't it, to know that you are about to become an Adult?"
"Yes, quite."
"Are you ready for everything that comes with that?" The Elder was staring at Nannoc intensely. Nannoc felt very uncomfortable under his gaze. It felt as he were a cow and the Elder was inspecting him. And judging by the face, Nannoc wasn't an entirely pleasing cow.
"What do you mean by that, sir?" He shifted, trying to release himself from the scrutiny of the People's leader.
"I mean, are you ready to accept your adult responsibilities? Including becoming a Hunter, since you're one of the best I've ever seen at the skills needed. Also including taking care of your two new wives."
"Yes, sir, I believe I'm ready for that."
"Well then, let's get those ladies out here so you can choose which ones you want." At that, the guard who had left came back leading a line of 10 girls, two of which Nannoc was supposed to pick for his own. "I'll have them each step forward; you pick the two that you want."
"Bu-" Nannoc didn't need to go through this; he already knew who he wanted.
"First is Natalie," the Elder interrupted. One of the girls stepped forward. She was beautiful, yes, and quite tall. Almost as tall as Nannoc. He shook his head; that didn't matter at all.
Taking it as a signal of his displeasure, the Elder waved Natalie back into the line and called up the next girl, Ariadne. The Elder asked, "Do you pick her?"
"No, I-" But once more the Elder cut him off and ushered a new girl forth; This was Elaine. Every time he tried to say something, the Elder interrupted. This happened for not only the first three, but with Rhiannon, Moira, Emmeline, Jaqueline, and Lia.
Nannoc's tries for attention got more adamant each time, to no avail. Finally, after Lia, he resorted to shouting, "SIR!" With that, the Elder paused in naming the next girl.
"What, Nannoc, gives you the need to interrupt your Elder?" Nannoc shrank back slightly under the intimidation of the Elder, but he had to say what he had to say.
"I don't want any of these girls. I already had a girl picked out for my wife." The Elder sat back in shock.
"Well, this is unconventional, but since you are an exemplary Child of the People, I will allow this. Tell me, Nannoc, who is she that you have chosen?"
"Well...her name is Lily." Nannoc's heart was pounding in his chest. To say he was nervous would have been an extreme understatement. He was shattering centuries of tradition and rules and betraying the People with an Outsider, specifically one set aside for the Cutting. The same Cutting that was initiating him into the Adult society.
"No one in the People is named...Oh. Nannoc," the Elder leaned down to Nannoc, who had his head down, trying to not make eye contact. "You've been breaking rules now, haven't you? Lily's the name of the millah who is to be Cut tomorrow, isn't it?"
"Yes, sir, she's the one I pick." He heard a small chorus of indignant and outraged sounds from the ten girls currently in the room. He had meant to tell the Elder before all the girls were brought in. There wasn't any help for that now, so he just had bear their scorn.
The Elder held up his hand to the girls, and they ceased. He raised one eyebrow and said, "Well, I assume since you've chosen her, she's chosen you, am I right?" Nannoc merely nodded. "Let's test that. If she chooses you, then I give you my express permission to take her as your wife and live out your life with her. If she doesn't choose you, I reserve the right to choose whatever punishment I deem appropriate for your inexcusable behavior and disregard for the rules." Standing up and putting his hand on Nannoc's back, the Elder said, "The ladies that Nannoc has turned down, I want you to come with me. The others can leave. As for the rest of us, we shall head down to the nursery to check see if Lily's affection measures up." With that, he more or less pushed Nannoc out into the hallway with the 8 girls right behind. Lily would undoubtedly say yes. Nannoc knew she would. She had to, or else suffer the consequences. But she would. And Nannoc comforted himself in the fact that, shortly, he and Lily would be free to go about their lives without the People there to oppress them.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
When they arrived in the nursery, they still had to walk past all the other millah. Nannoc smirked when he heard the wretching noises some of the girls made at the smell. Even the Elder and his guardsman wrinkled their noses. When the millah heard the commotion, for usually there were never this many people in the nursery, they began screaming and moaning to be let out. The girls looked incredibly nervous as Nannoc kept leading them (he had long since relieved himself of the Elder's grip) deeper into the tunnels past these noises. He could understand why, with the pleas for help, but he had long since numbed himself to all of the sounds and smells of the nursery. The Elder seemed to not even hear the screams. Neither did the guardsman. Did the Elder care, or had he too numbed himself? But he hadn't been down here in many, many years, decades perhaps. How had he gotten acclimated to this?
It didn't matter. All that mattered was that in just a few minutes, Lily and he could leave forever, never to be bothered again. When they finally entered the chamber for the sacrificial Outsiders, Lily was curled up, asleep in the middle of the room. Nannoc paused just inside, waiting for all the others to file in behind him. He then looked to the Elder for a signal as to what he should do next.
"Go wake her up so that we can talk to her." Nannoc bent down, put his hands on Lily's shoulders, and shook gently to wake her up. She looked greatly confused at first. In hushed whispers, Nannoc explained and her eyes opened wide as she turned to look over his shoulder at the man who had her imprisoned in the first place. Holding her hand, Nannoc refused to turn around when the Elder began to speak.
"So, Lily, Nannoc here has told me that you two are in love. He has chosen you as his wife over eight girls of the People. Before I let him do something that completely defies my rules, I need to know that his love is returned. As such, I have a simple question for you Lily: Nannoc has chosen you. Do you choose him?"
Lily turned her eyes back to Nannoc, looking scared. Not of the Elder, but of Nannoc. She pulled her hands out of his and pulled away slightly. He followed her with his eyes. In a small voice, she spoke, "I'm sorry, Nannoc, but I can't." He stared at her, not comprehending. What did she mean "she can't?" Her life depended on it.
"I'm sorry, what was that Lily? Speak loudly enough that we can all hear you." Nannoc could hear slight amusment in the Elder's voice.
"I can't. I can't marry Nannoc." Dropping her voice again, she spoke to only Nannoc, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." The slight sobs in her voice didn't change anything. Nannoc's face stiffened. He stood up, oblivious now to everything exept the fact that Lily, his only friend, the one person he opened up to, the one girl he'd ever wanted, turned him down. Not even to save her own life would she marry him. And it wasn't even a real marriage.
"Well, I suppose that's it then. Nannoc, you know I need to punish you now for breaking all my rules."
"Yes sir." He faced away from Lily. Her rejection spun its way through him, squelching every good feeling this last two months had brought him.
"Very well." The Elder turned to the girls who had been waiting impatiently on the side of the room. When Nannoc saw the smug little grins on their faces, he wanted to wring their necks. But what was the use? Lily had denied him. Nothing would change that fact. Nothing would change the inevitable punshiment he would recieve. Nothing would alleviate the feeling that had turned him cold on the inside. He was dead to the outside world. The Elder addressed the girls, "As you can see, Nannoc's choice of an Outsider for his wife didn't work very well. We need a way to remind him that this is always the case. Each of you should get your chance to remind him of this fact. Therefore, his punishment is forty total lashes, five from each of you." The Elder then left, leaving everything else to his guardman.
Nannoc was stripped of his robe, exposing his bare skin to the cold air of the cave. He was then shoved down to his hands and knees. He didn't resist; nothing mattered now. The guardmans took his whip and gave it to the first of the girls, Natalie. Every single one of the girls of the People had been trained in using a whip so that they would never be useless in a battle. Each time the whip was lashed across Nannoc's back, it had that force and an indignant anger behind it. He knew he should feel it hurt, but it couldn't compare to what he felt inside. He closed his eyes and took his punshiment. He deserved this. It was his fault. He broke all those rules; he should be punished. This must be Sephirin's punishment for going against the rules of his spokesman, the Elder. Each girl had five chances to hurt him as much as possible, and they were planning on it. Each stroke of the whip was strong enough to tear his back apart.
Forty lashes later, the guardsman took his whip back from Lia, the last girl. He looked disappointed that Nannoc hadn't screamed or cried at all. He then ushered the girls from the nursery, but they each took one last moment to express their scorn: each of them spat on Nannoc. When he was sure they were all gone, Nanoc, lay down on his side. He heard Lily still whispering a pathetic, pitying, "I'm sorry," behind him. He knew his back must be a complete mess of blood and horrific wounds. He almost felt sorry for her. Almost.
As he lay there in the darkness, the damp stone floor beneath him, he contemplated what was going to happen next. He almost wished he was in Lily's position tomorrow; everything would stop. There would be no more to worry about; nothing more to pain him. It would be over. That's what he could do. When everyone was expecting him to celebrate his victory through Initiation, he would end his own life. How ironic that it would be with the same sword that brought him to Adulthood that he would die. As these thoughts went through his head, tears began falling from his eyes; tears for Lily, tears for himself, tears for the People, tears for the world. Eventually, he fell to unconsciousness despite the pain. Tomorrow would tell all.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Pictures
I've hated getting my picture taken for several years now. I don't like how I look in them, I don't really want that to be the picture that I'm remembered as.
Now I'm kinda forced to take pictures of myself, in a way, because my little buddy from Belize is writing to me. (Her name's Serena. She's 9.) I told her I'd send her pictures of college, and in my mind that translates to what I'm doing now as well. Well, that means taking pictures of me. I'm not exactly looking forward to this, but I need to get pictures with all my new friends here and of me doing different things around campus.
Another reason I need to take pictures of myself is for the Traditions Challenge. It's a sort of contest at UNI to complete as many traditions on the list as you can, but to prove that you did it, you have to be able to produce a picture of you doing it. I'm planning on doing this challenge, if only for the reason that if you complete enough challenges, you get a medallion to wear during gradutation.
So...this is going to mean I need people to take pictures of me doing things or being with people. Specifically things I can't take pictures of myself, such as performing during marching band. That way you can get me in our awesome uniforms with cowboy hats and capes. Or dancing to the music during the games or holding up our capes when a flag is called. So yeah, I suppose this is permission to take a REASONABLE amount of pictures of me.
Oh, btw, I'm gonna bleach all my hair at some point so that I can dye it all blue. Just so you know.
Now I'm kinda forced to take pictures of myself, in a way, because my little buddy from Belize is writing to me. (Her name's Serena. She's 9.) I told her I'd send her pictures of college, and in my mind that translates to what I'm doing now as well. Well, that means taking pictures of me. I'm not exactly looking forward to this, but I need to get pictures with all my new friends here and of me doing different things around campus.
Another reason I need to take pictures of myself is for the Traditions Challenge. It's a sort of contest at UNI to complete as many traditions on the list as you can, but to prove that you did it, you have to be able to produce a picture of you doing it. I'm planning on doing this challenge, if only for the reason that if you complete enough challenges, you get a medallion to wear during gradutation.
So...this is going to mean I need people to take pictures of me doing things or being with people. Specifically things I can't take pictures of myself, such as performing during marching band. That way you can get me in our awesome uniforms with cowboy hats and capes. Or dancing to the music during the games or holding up our capes when a flag is called. So yeah, I suppose this is permission to take a REASONABLE amount of pictures of me.
Oh, btw, I'm gonna bleach all my hair at some point so that I can dye it all blue. Just so you know.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
LOL
*Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Dan!, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!*
Christmas/Birthday List
I know people are going to start asking me about what I want for Christmas soon, so I thought I'd get aheaad of the game and keep a running list.
1. Rememdy Drive CD- "Rip Open the Skies"
2. New mp3/iPod- one that isn't possessed
3. Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History by Charles. M. Sevilla
4. Awesome knee socks (only a few pairs)
5. http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2P0lk8/cellfoam.com/
6. http://www.amazon.com/Glow-Dark-Lipstick-Nail-Polish/dp/B001UHWF2I%3FSubscriptionId%3D0DWX0HJVE7AWX9HF4X82%26tag%3Dpricedumper-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3DB001UHWF2I
7. Just about anything from this site: http://www.shanalogic.com/
8. Any of the PostSecret books
9. "Skydivin'" by Darren Styles (CD)
10. http://magneticmeme.com/products/Rage-Faces-%252d-32-Magnet-Collection.html
That's it so far.
1. Rememdy Drive CD- "Rip Open the Skies"
2. New mp3/iPod- one that isn't possessed
3. Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History by Charles. M. Sevilla
4. Awesome knee socks (only a few pairs)
5. http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2P0lk8/cellfoam.com/
6. http://www.amazon.com/Glow-Dark-Lipstick-Nail-Polish/dp/B001UHWF2I%3FSubscriptionId%3D0DWX0HJVE7AWX9HF4X82%26tag%3Dpricedumper-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3DB001UHWF2I
7. Just about anything from this site: http://www.shanalogic.com/
8. Any of the PostSecret books
9. "Skydivin'" by Darren Styles (CD)
10. http://magneticmeme.com/products/Rage-Faces-%252d-32-Magnet-Collection.html
That's it so far.
Questions: 8th Installment
It was the day before the announcement of the Cutter, and Nannoc and Lily's plan to escape was no further along than before. They had pretty much decided it was hopeless, though neither would admit that to the other. Most of the time, Lily was just a hair's breadth away from bursting into sobs. Nannoc tried his best to comfort her, but he truly had given up hope. He knew that he needed to get used to the fact that Lily was going to die, but he couldn't get his mind around it. This girl, Lily, was special to him. She couldn't just die, not so callously, and especially not by his hand. He had begun doing a lousy job on his chores so that maybe he wouldn't get picked as the Cutter so he wouldn't have to kill her.
Not that he'd be able to kill her even if he were chosen. Nannoc had been trained all his life (roughly 17 years, according to Lily. The People didn't measure how old they were.) to get rid of all emotion, but he knew that once he was up there, facing Lily and having to...He couldn't even think it anymore! He would rather kill himself than deal with that. And if he were chosen, that's what he would do. He would jump into the fire or use the sword to kill himself. According to Lily's explanations, there was a life after this one, and everyone ends up there. So they would just meet again in that place, which had to be better than here. Of course, he didn't tell Lily any of this. If he told her that he was going to kill himself before he killed her, she would probably have a mental breakdown.
As she lay with in his lap, Nannoc stroked Lily's red hair, deep in thought. In such a short time, merely two months, she had taught him so much. Everything she had taught him had changed him slightly. No, hadn't changed him, had made him realize something he already knew to be true about himself; he had just never explored very far into himself. She brought out the best in him. He decided that he didn't want anyone but her to be his girl. He didn't want to tell her that, seeing as she was probably going to die within the next 48 hours.
"Nannoc." Lily's voice brought him out of his thoughts.
"Hmm?"
"Please be completely honest. Do you think I'm going to get out of this horrid place alive?" He looked anywhere but her eyes.
"I will help you get out of here in any way I can." He felt a lump rise up in his throat. Damn, why now? Not in front of Lily; he had to think of her and keep her calm.
"That didn't answer my question." Her voice sounded far away, as if she had already died and was talking to him from the Other Place. No! He shouldn't think of things like that!
Nannoc opened his mouth to reply, but no words came out. They wouldn't fit over the bump in his throat. Tears threatened to pour out his eyes. He closed them, but that just made it worse.
"It's okay. I can tell you're just trying to be nice. You think I'm going to die, don't you?" He opened his eyes to look into her own tear-filled eyes. Such a pretty green-brown. Unable to say anything, Nannoc just nodded, and the tears began to fall. "Don't cry, Nannoc. You'll make me start to cry."
He pulled her up into his arms. "Just know that whatever happens, Lily, I love you. This two months has been worth anything that could happen in the next few days." She said nothing back, but sat in his arms until she finished crying.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Later in the day, Nannoc went to the lake to bathe. He liked using it as a place to think because very few people ever seemed to be there. Especially now. Everyone was too busy or excited to waste their time on a bath. There was time enough after the Initiation. Nannoc went through all the facts, hoping there was some chance of escape that he had overlooked. Chances were, that, although he had been doing a terrible job at his chores lately, he would still be chosen as the Cutter. Immediately after being chosen, he would be taken before the Elder to be given the Identity Necklace and to choose his wives from the available women. Nannoc stopped. That was it! The idea that would save Lily's life and bring them both out of this purgatory.
He ran from the water, taking only a few seconds to shake himself dry, then jumped into his trousers as he headed towards the exit. He was in such a hurry as he put on his robe that he merely shoved his arms into the sleeves, neglecting to close the front or put up the hood. Everyone who saw him in the tunnels either stared at him like he was crazy or looked around for what was chasing him. However, Nannoc didn't have any time to explain; he had to get his idea to Lily so she would know what to expect come tomorrow.
Lily glanced up when he ran in, looking slightly worried. He probably did look rather frightening, but he put her at ease presently.
"Lily, I think I've figured out how we can both get out of here alive!" The shocked expression on her face was priceless. He couldn't help but grin.
"Really? What is it?!" He heard the desperation edged with panic in her voice.
"Calm down. Calm down."
She grabbed the edges of his robe and pulled. "Don't tell me to calm down! Just tell me your idea!" She was quite a bit more worked up than the numbed-out version from earlier.
"As you know, tomorrow is the announcement of the Cutter. Well," he continued, noticing that she was about to interrupt, "Something you probably don't know is that immediately after the Cutter is chosen, he goes before the Elder and gets the Identity Necklace, that shows everyone else that your status as and Adult and your name, and chooses his wives." Lily slowly released the front of his robe, pulling away from him. What was wrong? Surely she understood what he meant now. "Instead of choosing any one of the women from the People, I could choose you. After that we could run away together and no one would even notice. They probably wouldn't even care!" She turned around and put her face in her hands. "Hey, Lily, what's wrong? You should be happy..." Nannoc went over to hug her, but she shoved him away.
"I can't do it. I can't marry you." Huh? Oh.
"It doesn't have to be for real. We would know that we weren't really getting married, and that's all that matters. Although, honestly, I wouldn't mind marrying you..." He went to her again, only to get pushed away harder this time.
"No, you don't understand! It would be marriage, whether you want to believe that or not, that's what it would be. I don't want to marry anyone. I'm too young; I'm only 15! I shouldn't be thinking about marriage yet, I should still be living a care-free life!" Lily was going into hysterics. To Nannoc, this seemed like an extreme overreaction. After all, he had just found a way to save her life; she should be grateful. He found himself getting annoyed by her lack of thanks.
"You have no other choice but death!" She stopped mid-sentence to look at him. He hoped he didn't look too angry, but enough was enough. "I told you that the marriage would be fake. We don't even believe in 'marriage' in that sense, it's just a male picking out a mate. It's not like what the Outsiders do." Lily dissolved into tears. Damn. He hadn't wanted to make her cry. He only wanted to point out that it was just a tool, though he would always believe in the validity of it. However, he didn't want to make her disagree again; he just wanted to get her out of here in one piece.
"Nannoc...." Her voice wavered as she spoke. "I can't do it. I just can't. I'm not ready for anything like that. Even though you say it's not a commitment, it would feel like it to me. I can't dishonor something like that, so it's not something I can just do. I...I just can't."
He stared at her, not understanding. Commitment? Dishonor? He had already told her that this wasn't something binding, though she apparently still saw it as such. His bright mood deflated, he turned around and started to leave. He called over his shoulder as he left, "You'll change your mind tomorrow." In his head he added when your life is on the line. She'll realize that what I'm saying is true: this isn't something binding. Just a necessary action to get out of these wretched caves. She'll see that tomorrow.
Not that he'd be able to kill her even if he were chosen. Nannoc had been trained all his life (roughly 17 years, according to Lily. The People didn't measure how old they were.) to get rid of all emotion, but he knew that once he was up there, facing Lily and having to...He couldn't even think it anymore! He would rather kill himself than deal with that. And if he were chosen, that's what he would do. He would jump into the fire or use the sword to kill himself. According to Lily's explanations, there was a life after this one, and everyone ends up there. So they would just meet again in that place, which had to be better than here. Of course, he didn't tell Lily any of this. If he told her that he was going to kill himself before he killed her, she would probably have a mental breakdown.
As she lay with in his lap, Nannoc stroked Lily's red hair, deep in thought. In such a short time, merely two months, she had taught him so much. Everything she had taught him had changed him slightly. No, hadn't changed him, had made him realize something he already knew to be true about himself; he had just never explored very far into himself. She brought out the best in him. He decided that he didn't want anyone but her to be his girl. He didn't want to tell her that, seeing as she was probably going to die within the next 48 hours.
"Nannoc." Lily's voice brought him out of his thoughts.
"Hmm?"
"Please be completely honest. Do you think I'm going to get out of this horrid place alive?" He looked anywhere but her eyes.
"I will help you get out of here in any way I can." He felt a lump rise up in his throat. Damn, why now? Not in front of Lily; he had to think of her and keep her calm.
"That didn't answer my question." Her voice sounded far away, as if she had already died and was talking to him from the Other Place. No! He shouldn't think of things like that!
Nannoc opened his mouth to reply, but no words came out. They wouldn't fit over the bump in his throat. Tears threatened to pour out his eyes. He closed them, but that just made it worse.
"It's okay. I can tell you're just trying to be nice. You think I'm going to die, don't you?" He opened his eyes to look into her own tear-filled eyes. Such a pretty green-brown. Unable to say anything, Nannoc just nodded, and the tears began to fall. "Don't cry, Nannoc. You'll make me start to cry."
He pulled her up into his arms. "Just know that whatever happens, Lily, I love you. This two months has been worth anything that could happen in the next few days." She said nothing back, but sat in his arms until she finished crying.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Later in the day, Nannoc went to the lake to bathe. He liked using it as a place to think because very few people ever seemed to be there. Especially now. Everyone was too busy or excited to waste their time on a bath. There was time enough after the Initiation. Nannoc went through all the facts, hoping there was some chance of escape that he had overlooked. Chances were, that, although he had been doing a terrible job at his chores lately, he would still be chosen as the Cutter. Immediately after being chosen, he would be taken before the Elder to be given the Identity Necklace and to choose his wives from the available women. Nannoc stopped. That was it! The idea that would save Lily's life and bring them both out of this purgatory.
He ran from the water, taking only a few seconds to shake himself dry, then jumped into his trousers as he headed towards the exit. He was in such a hurry as he put on his robe that he merely shoved his arms into the sleeves, neglecting to close the front or put up the hood. Everyone who saw him in the tunnels either stared at him like he was crazy or looked around for what was chasing him. However, Nannoc didn't have any time to explain; he had to get his idea to Lily so she would know what to expect come tomorrow.
Lily glanced up when he ran in, looking slightly worried. He probably did look rather frightening, but he put her at ease presently.
"Lily, I think I've figured out how we can both get out of here alive!" The shocked expression on her face was priceless. He couldn't help but grin.
"Really? What is it?!" He heard the desperation edged with panic in her voice.
"Calm down. Calm down."
She grabbed the edges of his robe and pulled. "Don't tell me to calm down! Just tell me your idea!" She was quite a bit more worked up than the numbed-out version from earlier.
"As you know, tomorrow is the announcement of the Cutter. Well," he continued, noticing that she was about to interrupt, "Something you probably don't know is that immediately after the Cutter is chosen, he goes before the Elder and gets the Identity Necklace, that shows everyone else that your status as and Adult and your name, and chooses his wives." Lily slowly released the front of his robe, pulling away from him. What was wrong? Surely she understood what he meant now. "Instead of choosing any one of the women from the People, I could choose you. After that we could run away together and no one would even notice. They probably wouldn't even care!" She turned around and put her face in her hands. "Hey, Lily, what's wrong? You should be happy..." Nannoc went over to hug her, but she shoved him away.
"I can't do it. I can't marry you." Huh? Oh.
"It doesn't have to be for real. We would know that we weren't really getting married, and that's all that matters. Although, honestly, I wouldn't mind marrying you..." He went to her again, only to get pushed away harder this time.
"No, you don't understand! It would be marriage, whether you want to believe that or not, that's what it would be. I don't want to marry anyone. I'm too young; I'm only 15! I shouldn't be thinking about marriage yet, I should still be living a care-free life!" Lily was going into hysterics. To Nannoc, this seemed like an extreme overreaction. After all, he had just found a way to save her life; she should be grateful. He found himself getting annoyed by her lack of thanks.
"You have no other choice but death!" She stopped mid-sentence to look at him. He hoped he didn't look too angry, but enough was enough. "I told you that the marriage would be fake. We don't even believe in 'marriage' in that sense, it's just a male picking out a mate. It's not like what the Outsiders do." Lily dissolved into tears. Damn. He hadn't wanted to make her cry. He only wanted to point out that it was just a tool, though he would always believe in the validity of it. However, he didn't want to make her disagree again; he just wanted to get her out of here in one piece.
"Nannoc...." Her voice wavered as she spoke. "I can't do it. I just can't. I'm not ready for anything like that. Even though you say it's not a commitment, it would feel like it to me. I can't dishonor something like that, so it's not something I can just do. I...I just can't."
He stared at her, not understanding. Commitment? Dishonor? He had already told her that this wasn't something binding, though she apparently still saw it as such. His bright mood deflated, he turned around and started to leave. He called over his shoulder as he left, "You'll change your mind tomorrow." In his head he added when your life is on the line. She'll realize that what I'm saying is true: this isn't something binding. Just a necessary action to get out of these wretched caves. She'll see that tomorrow.
1:30am This Morning, as told by my anthropomorphized stomach
Hello. My name is Alastair Quenten Stomach, but feel free to call me Alastair. I'm here to tell you about my uncomfortable night last night. It was caused by a few guests that I invited over for a quiet dinner party that slowly turned into cacophonic chaos. Let me begin.
I am a member of a very exclusive neighborhood meant for only the most prestigious men and women. Some of my neighbors are Mr. and Mrs. Eye, quite the beautiful couple, Ms. Mouth, a most elligible bachelorette and rather stunning, if I do say so myself. There are also Mr. Esophagus, Mr. and Mrs. Lung (an Oriental couple), Ms. Pancreas and Mr. Gallbladder (they live together, though they are not married. I do not approve, but who am I to judge others?), and Monsieur Coeur (A rather pompous fellow, as he has not a bit of French in him. His surname is truly Heart.) A long way off, down a very long drive, lives Mr. Brain, who is incredibly intelligent, yet also extremely eccentric.
Last night, I decided to throw a dinner party. It was high time; quite a while had gone by without one. However, after many of my neighbors declined my invitations, citing highly unlikely reasons, I was forced to resort to outsiders, however uncouth that may be. After all, Ms. Mouth had many a visitor, which she would then send down the street to me. (I live two houses away from her, just on the other side of Mr. Esophagus.) Because of my general lack of knowledge of outsiders, besides those I had met through Ms. Mouth, I decided to ask her who would be the best to invite. I rang her up on the telephone to hear her suggestions.
"Oh, Mr. Stomach, I have just the perfect people! I have these guests over currently that would be marvelous guests at your party! I was just beginning to worry, for I need to go to bed soon and would have had to send them home. I'll send them over now. Your timing is impeccable as always, Alastair. You're such a darling!"
Blushing from her praises (After all, the adorations of a young beauty are nothing to dismiss lightly.), I gave the final instructions to my servants, then poured a cup of coffee and waited in the parlor for my guests to arrive. Presently, I heard the doorbell ring. Setting my coffee down to await my quick return, I went to the door where the guests were being led in. My surprise when I saw these guests must have been palpable; this was not at all what I expected of Ms. Mouth. The first guests to enter were what must have been an entire extended family. Their name was Gardetto, and I learned that they were all brothers and sisters and all about the same age. I felt sorry for their poor parents. The second set of guests were a pair of twins, they must have been, for they not only had the same surname but looked alike. It was difficult telling them apart.
Upon relieving them of their coats, I ushered them all into the parlor. There were quite a few more than I expected, so I instructed a servant to adjust to the current number. Then I sat down to get a better estimation of my guests. The Gardettos were an exceedingly seedy and unkempt bunch, and none of them seemed to be particularly interested in personal hygeine. They all looked rather...greasy, almost to the point of my not wanting them to be on the furniture. I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt, and focused on the twins. Their name was Pepsi. On the outside, they looked much more refined and polished, and certainly they valued their outside appearance. I was much more inclined to enjoy their presence. Until they began speaking. While their outward appearance was overall impressive, I soon learned that it was merely a facade. Their true manner was quite boorish and crass. I was beginning to think that this dinner party was a bad idea. However, that would be a bad show of decorum and hospitality, so I decided to stick it out. Moments later, it was announced that dinner was served.
If my guests' behavior was less than exemplary before, now it was downright horrid. They seemed not to know any etiquette or have any manners at all. It was a complete free for all, and I was lucky to get any food out of it. The Gardettos piled their plates so full that the food was spilling off! One of them even spilled his wine (a 1996 Chateau Lafite Rothschild Pauillac that I had spent a small fortune on) all over my brand new double-breasted dinner blazer (the one I had ordered specially from Italy). I was beginning to lose my temper. Not only were they messy and rude, but they were also loud. Very loud. They were beginning to shout and scream. (Apparently they were not used to wine, as they all seemed to be completely inebriated.) I developed a rather extreme headache. I told all these impossible guests that they needed to needed to leave my house immediately, but they refused. Then the calls from my neighbors began.
First was Mr. Esophagus, complaining about the noise. Then Ms. Pancreas and Mr. Gallbladder. Then Monsieur Coeur. Slowly, one by one, my neighbors were calling me, all to tell me to contain my guests jovialness to a dim roar. The last straw was when Mr. Brain called. Apparently even he, down his impossibly long road, could hear the jocularity of my guests. Finally, the police arrived.
Officer Chuck (His full name was Officer Up Chuck, but he preferred just Chuck.) came to my door. As I opened it, I was nearly sobbing from frustration. This was not the quiet dinner party I had planned! I was so grateful to see Chuck.
"Everybody quiet down NOW!" He had a rather commanding voice when he tried. This was why he was the police officer. Finally, my guests refrained from screaming. My aching head was immediately grateful. I sat down in the parlor, leaving everything to my very capable friend.
"My name is Officer Chuck, and it's become apparent that Mr. Stomach doesn't want you here any more. Everybody, out front now!"
"But we don't want to leave," said one of the Gardetto brothers.
"Yeah, thish guy hash shome good shtuff *hiccup* here." Apparently one of Pespi twins had drank more than he could handle.
"So, you've been drinking too? How many of you are truly of age?" All the protests on leaving immediately stopped. "I thought so," Officer Chuck said, "I'm gonna need to see all of your ID's."
They all reached into their pockets or purses and pulled ID's out of wallets. They seemed extremely reluctant to hand them over to Officer Chuck, and a few even tried resisting, but Chuck had his way eventually. He's extremely persuasive when he wants to be. Once he received all the ID's, he went back out to his car to run them all through the police system.
As soon as he was out the door, one of the Pepsi twins asked, "Did anyone else give him a fake ID?" At that, every single one of my ex-dinner guests rushed out the back door. To be honest, I didn't care at that point that they had lied to Officer Chuck, I was just relieved that they were gone. It was unfortunate that my headache did not leave as readily as they.
After roughly 5 minutes, Chuck came back in, wanting to know where they had all gone. I told them that as soon as he had left, they had all run away. "Well, that's too bad. I could've put the lot of them in jail for underage drinking, noise pollution, and trespassing, seeing as you didn't want them here at that point."
"It's okay, Chuck. Frankly, I'm just glad they've gone."
"I know what you mean, Alastair." He hitched his pants back up to the appropriate height and said goodbye, understanding that I needed time alone. I thanked him, showed him to the door, and then went upstairs, leaving the clean up to my servants.
As I changed into my purple silk robe (imported all the way from China), I reflected on this night. Never, ever again would I do something so incredibly imbecilic as to invite anyone other than my upper class neighbors to my house. When I lay down, my headache was finally down. As I drifted off into sleep, I noticed through my window that all my neighbors' lights once again went out. Ms. Mouth's first, then Ms. Pancreas and Mr. Gallbladder, Monsieur Coeur, Mr. Esophagus, then finally, the last one to turn out his light was Mr. Brain. And then the night was quiet and peaceful once more.
I am a member of a very exclusive neighborhood meant for only the most prestigious men and women. Some of my neighbors are Mr. and Mrs. Eye, quite the beautiful couple, Ms. Mouth, a most elligible bachelorette and rather stunning, if I do say so myself. There are also Mr. Esophagus, Mr. and Mrs. Lung (an Oriental couple), Ms. Pancreas and Mr. Gallbladder (they live together, though they are not married. I do not approve, but who am I to judge others?), and Monsieur Coeur (A rather pompous fellow, as he has not a bit of French in him. His surname is truly Heart.) A long way off, down a very long drive, lives Mr. Brain, who is incredibly intelligent, yet also extremely eccentric.
Last night, I decided to throw a dinner party. It was high time; quite a while had gone by without one. However, after many of my neighbors declined my invitations, citing highly unlikely reasons, I was forced to resort to outsiders, however uncouth that may be. After all, Ms. Mouth had many a visitor, which she would then send down the street to me. (I live two houses away from her, just on the other side of Mr. Esophagus.) Because of my general lack of knowledge of outsiders, besides those I had met through Ms. Mouth, I decided to ask her who would be the best to invite. I rang her up on the telephone to hear her suggestions.
"Oh, Mr. Stomach, I have just the perfect people! I have these guests over currently that would be marvelous guests at your party! I was just beginning to worry, for I need to go to bed soon and would have had to send them home. I'll send them over now. Your timing is impeccable as always, Alastair. You're such a darling!"
Blushing from her praises (After all, the adorations of a young beauty are nothing to dismiss lightly.), I gave the final instructions to my servants, then poured a cup of coffee and waited in the parlor for my guests to arrive. Presently, I heard the doorbell ring. Setting my coffee down to await my quick return, I went to the door where the guests were being led in. My surprise when I saw these guests must have been palpable; this was not at all what I expected of Ms. Mouth. The first guests to enter were what must have been an entire extended family. Their name was Gardetto, and I learned that they were all brothers and sisters and all about the same age. I felt sorry for their poor parents. The second set of guests were a pair of twins, they must have been, for they not only had the same surname but looked alike. It was difficult telling them apart.
Upon relieving them of their coats, I ushered them all into the parlor. There were quite a few more than I expected, so I instructed a servant to adjust to the current number. Then I sat down to get a better estimation of my guests. The Gardettos were an exceedingly seedy and unkempt bunch, and none of them seemed to be particularly interested in personal hygeine. They all looked rather...greasy, almost to the point of my not wanting them to be on the furniture. I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt, and focused on the twins. Their name was Pepsi. On the outside, they looked much more refined and polished, and certainly they valued their outside appearance. I was much more inclined to enjoy their presence. Until they began speaking. While their outward appearance was overall impressive, I soon learned that it was merely a facade. Their true manner was quite boorish and crass. I was beginning to think that this dinner party was a bad idea. However, that would be a bad show of decorum and hospitality, so I decided to stick it out. Moments later, it was announced that dinner was served.
If my guests' behavior was less than exemplary before, now it was downright horrid. They seemed not to know any etiquette or have any manners at all. It was a complete free for all, and I was lucky to get any food out of it. The Gardettos piled their plates so full that the food was spilling off! One of them even spilled his wine (a 1996 Chateau Lafite Rothschild Pauillac that I had spent a small fortune on) all over my brand new double-breasted dinner blazer (the one I had ordered specially from Italy). I was beginning to lose my temper. Not only were they messy and rude, but they were also loud. Very loud. They were beginning to shout and scream. (Apparently they were not used to wine, as they all seemed to be completely inebriated.) I developed a rather extreme headache. I told all these impossible guests that they needed to needed to leave my house immediately, but they refused. Then the calls from my neighbors began.
First was Mr. Esophagus, complaining about the noise. Then Ms. Pancreas and Mr. Gallbladder. Then Monsieur Coeur. Slowly, one by one, my neighbors were calling me, all to tell me to contain my guests jovialness to a dim roar. The last straw was when Mr. Brain called. Apparently even he, down his impossibly long road, could hear the jocularity of my guests. Finally, the police arrived.
Officer Chuck (His full name was Officer Up Chuck, but he preferred just Chuck.) came to my door. As I opened it, I was nearly sobbing from frustration. This was not the quiet dinner party I had planned! I was so grateful to see Chuck.
"Everybody quiet down NOW!" He had a rather commanding voice when he tried. This was why he was the police officer. Finally, my guests refrained from screaming. My aching head was immediately grateful. I sat down in the parlor, leaving everything to my very capable friend.
"My name is Officer Chuck, and it's become apparent that Mr. Stomach doesn't want you here any more. Everybody, out front now!"
"But we don't want to leave," said one of the Gardetto brothers.
"Yeah, thish guy hash shome good shtuff *hiccup* here." Apparently one of Pespi twins had drank more than he could handle.
"So, you've been drinking too? How many of you are truly of age?" All the protests on leaving immediately stopped. "I thought so," Officer Chuck said, "I'm gonna need to see all of your ID's."
They all reached into their pockets or purses and pulled ID's out of wallets. They seemed extremely reluctant to hand them over to Officer Chuck, and a few even tried resisting, but Chuck had his way eventually. He's extremely persuasive when he wants to be. Once he received all the ID's, he went back out to his car to run them all through the police system.
As soon as he was out the door, one of the Pepsi twins asked, "Did anyone else give him a fake ID?" At that, every single one of my ex-dinner guests rushed out the back door. To be honest, I didn't care at that point that they had lied to Officer Chuck, I was just relieved that they were gone. It was unfortunate that my headache did not leave as readily as they.
After roughly 5 minutes, Chuck came back in, wanting to know where they had all gone. I told them that as soon as he had left, they had all run away. "Well, that's too bad. I could've put the lot of them in jail for underage drinking, noise pollution, and trespassing, seeing as you didn't want them here at that point."
"It's okay, Chuck. Frankly, I'm just glad they've gone."
"I know what you mean, Alastair." He hitched his pants back up to the appropriate height and said goodbye, understanding that I needed time alone. I thanked him, showed him to the door, and then went upstairs, leaving the clean up to my servants.
As I changed into my purple silk robe (imported all the way from China), I reflected on this night. Never, ever again would I do something so incredibly imbecilic as to invite anyone other than my upper class neighbors to my house. When I lay down, my headache was finally down. As I drifted off into sleep, I noticed through my window that all my neighbors' lights once again went out. Ms. Mouth's first, then Ms. Pancreas and Mr. Gallbladder, Monsieur Coeur, Mr. Esophagus, then finally, the last one to turn out his light was Mr. Brain. And then the night was quiet and peaceful once more.
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