Adventures on Campus!

I have recently decided that I will begin illustrating my times in class with really stupid people/stupid circumstances. They are starring Suit Man, General Dumbbutt, me, Professor Lady, and Professor Man. So, be waiting for the wonderful new comic of stick people being stupid around my campus.

Questions, Part 2: 2nd Installment

    It was all Nannoc could do to wait until the girl closed the door behind her to collapse onto the bed on top of his pack and the ceremonial sword. He was exhausted in every sense of the word. Today marked the 5th day since he had deserted the People. Three of those five days had been spent doing nothing but running. He spent long hours travelling down streams and through trees to throw off the Hunters and the Raiders that had been sent out after him. He stopped neither to eat nor sleep, pausing only to drink to remain at least semi-hydrated. When he had arrived at this small farmhouse he was at his breaking point. He needed food, rest, and shade, or else he would pass out in the countryside, easy prey for the Hunters.

    The girl had been very hesitant about letting him stay. Probably because he spoke the wrong language at first, or because he was shirtless, or perhaps because of the large sword he had strapped to his back. Whatever the reason, she had eventually relented, and for that he was grateful. She had seemed uneasy and skittish when she first showed him around the house. She had definitely been so whenever he looked at her. He didn’t understand. He didn’t think his actions were that much different than hers.

    And then she had asked him for his name. That had surprised Nannoc at first, but when he thought about it, it made sense. After all, she had to know who was staying in her house. He had known that he would eventually need to give his name to others, but he hadn’t really been prepared for it. He had said the first name that came across his mind: Christopher. He wasn’t entirely sure where that name had come from, though she certainly accepted it as normal.

    Before he knew it, Nannoc was sliding into unconsciousness. The last thought to pass through his head as he embraced the sweet oblivion of sleep was that he had never asked her name.

*        *        *        *        *        *        *        *        *        *        *        *        *        *        *

    Elina stirred the soup nervously, running various defenses through her head. She was regretting her decision to let Christopher come into the house. What would her father think? She knew all too well what he would think: that she was an irresponsible and reckless young girl who didn’t deserve to leave the house ever again after this. It had been hard enough persuading him to leave her alone in the house in the first place; he had wanted to take her with him. She had finally managed to convince him otherwise, but this would cost her independence for sure. Still…

    Her thoughts strayed to the state of her guest. When Christopher had shown up at the door, she immediately saw that he was tired. Actually, that was an understatement. He looked worse than her father did after an entire day’s worth of plowing under the sun. The bags under his eyes made it look as though he had been awake for days, and his shirtless chest had been burnt to a bright red crisp. She could tell he was muscular, but he looked like he hadn’t eaten in a long time and he had to have been dehydrated. The more she thought about it, the more she was sure that if she hadn’t let Christopher in, he would have passed out and maybe have died right there on her door step. She was positive that she had done the right thing.

    This confidence Elina had in her decision wavered as she heard the sound of the work horses trotting back to the house. Matais and Leleiatal! She got more and more nervous as she heard her father putting away his equipment and taking care of the horses. She said a quick prayer to the gods, asking for strength to explain herself as well as quickly apologizing for using their names as curses. Then her father, Pharon, walked through the side door into the kitchen from the barn.

    Pharon definitely looked the part of a father and a farmer. He wasn’t particularly tall, but he wasn’t short either, with a build that only comes from plowing large fields by oneself for years. His skin was tanned from long days in the sun, with tan lines where his clothing cut off the sun. It was obvious that Elina got her silky brunette hair and soft brown eyes from her father. His hair was long and kept in control by several knots of twine. The lower half of his face was covered by a neatly trimmed beard; both his hair and his beard were threaded with strands of silver. Pharon had always joked with Elina, saying that every time she was bad, one of his hairs went grey. She would always say that she must have been a terror when she was young, and he would laugh his deep and roaring laugh that made everyone near laugh along. He was also very good at reading Elina’s thoughts.

    Her father had barely walked through the door, when he stopped and asked Elina, “So, what’s going on that you don’t want me to know?” Elina squeaked. Was she really that obvious?

    “Well,” she started, “You see, there was this boy and-“

    Pharon cut her off, “You let a someone in the house while I was gone?”

    “-And he looked tired-“

    Interrupting again, Pharon asked, “And you let him into the house while I wasn’t here?”

    “And he asked if he could stay here and I let him, but only because he looked so exhausted and weak and please don’t be mad at me, Daddy,” she finished quickly and looked down at the ground.

    For a while, Pharon just stood there silently. Elina just kept looking down, drawing tiny circles with her foot. After what felt like forever, he finally said, “You know I’m not happy about this, Elina. I specifically told you not to let anyone, especially a male-anyone, into the house when I’m not home.”

    “I know, but-“ Pharon held up his hand and she stopped.

    “As such, I’m going to assume that you had a really good reason to do so. Am I right?” He looked sternly at her.

    “Yes.”

    “Then I’ll forget about the fact that you disobeyed me for now. I want to meet this mysterious boy-“

    “Christopher. His name is Christopher.” Having her father’s forgiveness gave Elina back some of the courage she had before.

    “Yes, Christopher, and I want to eat. Dinner is ready, right?” He smiled at her.

    Elina smiled back. “Of course it is.” She put the soup pot and the fresh bread on the table while Pharon set it, and went upstairs to wake Christopher for supper.

Bow to the Power of Reddit

So, these guys promised reddit that if they were to reach 3000 likes on Facebook, they would dress up like giraffes and make toilet noises. Here they are doing precisely that: http://youtu.be/bckUbOiUF7w

Jack and Jill Revisited

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.

   “Give it back, that’s mine!”

   “No it isn’t, it’s mine!”

   “Is not!”

   “Is too!”

   “MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!”

   Mother sighed. The twins were at it again. She wasn’t sure what made them do it, but Jack and Jill were constantly at each other’s throats. Perhaps it was that had to spend so much time together, being the same age and all. Or perhaps it was in their genetics to be contrary all the time. Maybe it was that they were as close to being identical as they could be as
fraternal twins. Whatever the reason, it certainly made their house lively and especially loud.

   Jack and Jill came sprinting into the dining room adjacent to the kitchen where Mother was, racing to get there first, because, of course, whoever got there first was obviously right. Obviously. The same went for whoever was loudest, which was why they both began shouting even though Mother was only a few feet away from them.

   “MOTHER! Jack stole my lucky pencil! It was my best one and he took it all for himself! Make him give it back!!” Jill was half yelling, half whining. She had her hands folded and held out in a please-oh-god-reign-fire-from-the-sky-and-smite-my-annoying-twin-brother fashion. She molded her face into and expression of sheer innocence combined with her perfected puppy dog eyes. For being only 11 she was quite a little conniver, but only about petty, unimportant things. Like a mechanical pencil.

   “She’s lying!” Jack yelled, glaring at Jill. Turning back to his mother, he added, “She must have lost her pencil, cuz this one’s mine! I’ve had it in my room since forever and she’s trying to get me trouble!” He put on his version of the angelic face, though he missed heavenly creatures and landed more among the small, helpless children. Either way, he was just as manipulative as his twin sister.

   Mother watched as they bickered back and forth. She wondered how long she should let them go at it. Perhaps it made her a bad mother, but hey, this was better than daytime TV and cooking supper got boring after a while.

   “That’s not true, he’s the liar!”

   “Nuh-uh, she is!”

   “He is!”

   “She is!”

   “MOOOOOOM!” They screamed this last bit in unison.

   “Alright, that’s enough!” Okay, every now and again it would give her a headache. “You know what, I don’t care about the pencil. I’ll buy you another one, alright Jill?” That seemed to appease her. “Now, I need you to go fetch me a bucket of water. I need it to finish the soup for supper.”

   “WHAT?!” Mother was not aware that Jill’s voice could reach those decibels at that pitch. “I did it last time! It’s Jack’s turn!”

   “No, I did it last time. It’s your turn!”

   “Is not!”

   “Is too!”

   “IS NOT!”

   “FINE!” Mother raised her voice so that the twins could hear her over their screeches of indignance.

   “Is too,” Jill whispered under hear breath.

   “You can both go do it! And don’t think I didn’t hear that Jill.” Jill jumped, and then they both opened their mouths as if to protest, but she stopped them, “No buts. I’m not going to argue this one. Now hop to it.”

   Jack and Jill looked at each other annoyedly, and then Jill started to giggle. She then proceeded to hop like a bunny rabbit down the hallway. Jack shook his head, apparently in disgust, but Mother heard him start hopping as well when he was out of her sight. She shook her head. What precocious children she had!

   Jack and Jill raced each other to put on their coats and shoes; they knew what was coming. The last one finished with their outer garments had to carry the bucket up the hill. As it turned out, Jill was just a second slower than Jack, so she begrudgingly picked up the wooden bucket and followed Jack out the backdoor into the yard.

   “Whoever designed and built this farm must have been mentally challenged,” Jack said. “They built the well on the top of the only hill on the entire farm! Sheesh. I’m only eleven and I could have come up with a better plan than that.”

   “Well, dummy, that’s where the water was. Duh!” Jill looked at her brother as though he were the epitome of stupidity.

   “Well, then maybe God was dumb when he made this farm. Why else would he force us to walk up the hill each time we need water?”

   “Awwww, I’m tellllllinnngggg. You insulted God!”

   “No, I was just kidding, don’t tell,” Jack pleaded. Goodness knows what Mother would do if she found out he had insulted God, not to mention what God would do. He gulped. He hadn’t thought of that; it had just come out!

   “What’s in it for me?” Jill asked shrewdly.

   “I’ll let you have to pencil, no questions asked. Just please don’t tell.”

   “Alright, done.” Jack handed her the pencil, which he had placed in his shirt pocket. Jill pocketed the pen in her skirt and said, “Pleasure doing business with you Jack.” He looked relieved. Secretly, she agreed with him, but she would never tell him that.

   They finally got to the large hill near the back of their property. Luckily the farm was rather wide instead of being long, so they weren’t terribly far from the house. Still, it had been a decent walk. After they scrambled up the hill, they were both kind of tired, so they laid down in the shade of the well and pointed out cloud shapes.

   “Ooh, look. There’s a banana,” Jack said, pointing vaguely upwards.

   “I don’t see any banana, but I do see an elephant.”

   “No, see, it’s right there. There’s the curvy part, and there’s the stem.”

   “I still don’t see the banana, only an elephant.”

   “It’s a banana!”

   “Elephant!”

   “Banana!”

   And so on and so forth. After a while, they noticed the sun starting to go down and realized they had better hurry to get the water. Jill refused to stand up, saying she was still too tired from carrying the bucket all the way up the hill, so Jack was forced to be the one to draw the water. He set the bucket Jill had carried next to the well and he started cranking the winch next to him. Ugh, the bucket attached to the crank was incredibly heavy. You wouldn’t think that water weighed that much, but it definitely did. Jack would attest to that.
He finally got the bucket all the way up.

   “Jill, I need your help now.” She didn’t move. “Jilllll!”

   “Alright, fine.” She slowly made her way to standing and ambled her way over, making him hold the bucket still for as long as she could. He glared at her and she smiled back. She knew it was heavy. She grabbed the bucket and pulled it over to the edge.

   “Ugh, why does water have to be so heavy? Why can’t it float?” She managed to get it far enough over and set it on the wall that surrounded the well. Both she and Jack bent over, wheezing for breath. Of course, they were both overreacting, but still, it was fairly hard work. When they decided they had had enough acting, Jack grabbed the empty bucket and Jill tipped the full one from the well so that it emptied into the other. After all, the bucket in the well was larger than the bucket they needed; they hardly ever needed that much water.

   Once they had filled the bucket from the house, Jack dropped the other back down into the well. Jill had set the full bucket on the ground, acting as if she were completely drained of energy. Faker.

   “So, since I did all the work with the water, you should carry the bucket back to the house,” Jack said, trying his best to be fair.

   “No, I don’t think so. I’m too tired to carry it. You should do it,” Jill said lazily.

   “That’s not fair!” Jack was getting indignant. He knew Jill was lazy, but still. She still had to do SOMEthing.

   “Get over yourself.” Jill was feeling much too lazy to do much of anything. She was thinking about staying up here awhile longer, just to keep from having to walk down the hill.

   “Fine. I’m just gonna take this back to the house and tell Mom you didn’t do any work at all. She’s definitely going to side with me this time,” Jack said, as he bent down and grabbed one edge of the bucket.

   “No, don’t! I’ll do it!” Jill leapt to her feet and made a grab for the bucket.

   Jack dodged the grab. “Nope, you’re too tired. I’m going to do it.”

   “No, I’ll do it!” Jill made another grab, and this time she hooked her hands to the side of the bucket. They proceeded to play tug of war with the bucket while shouting back and forth, “I’ll do it!” “No I’ll do it!”

   Finally, Jill didn’t feel like playing this anymore. She was so mad at Jack, she never wanted to see him ever again. “Fine,” she shouted, “Have your stupid bucket, you butt-kisser!” And with that, she gave the bucket a shove as she let go. What happened next was the kind of thing that happens only in the dreams of a small child growing up with older siblings.

   Jack, who had also been pulling on the bucket, was unable to correct for the sudden change. The bucket, full of water, flipped up onto his head, where it emptied its contents. Jack also started falling backwards from the force of the shove and the lack of balance. He took a step or two to try and fix himself when he tripped over a rock. That was the point of no return. He fell backwards onto his head and ending up rolling every helter-skelter down the steep hill.

   Jill was slightly worried about him. After all, that had looked like an awfully nasty fall. However, her laughter overpowered her worry. She couldn’t breathe, her eyes watered, she was bent over double, laughing hysterically. That was, without a doubt, the most hilarious thing she had ever seen. How she wished she had had a video camera!

   Out of control with laughter, Jill started falling forward. Still in hysterics, she couldn’t do anything. She fell on her side and started rolling around. One roll took her too close to the edge and momentum took over. If Jack had been un-dazed enough to think, he should have taken the bucket off of his head. He would have found the picture of Jill rolling down the hill, hair everywhere, skirt flying every which way, and still laughing absolutely unbearable. He would have been in the same condition as Jill, except he was already at the bottom of the hill.

   Jill’s landing at the bottom was a lot softer than Jack’s had been. Perhaps because she had landed on Jack. Jack was still wearing the bucket but was no longer woozy, and Jill had calmed down slightly, partly because her sides hurt. But just one look at each other, Jack with a bucket on his head, soaked through to the skin, and Jill with her hair tangled and leafy, red-faced and teary-eyed, was enough to send them both into hysterics.

   As they sat there, laughing until tears streamed from their eyes, all prior arguments forgotten, Mother looked out the window to see where they had gotten off to. She shook her head at the scene and smiled to herself. Kids.

Best Explanation of the End Harry Potter 7.2 I've ever seen.

The resurrection stone doesn't prevent you from dying, or let you come back from the dead, it just lets you talk to dead people. Harry went into it completely expecting to die, but Dumbledore knew (or suspected) that he would survive, but it was essential that he sacrifice himself.
Why harry survived:
The way a horcrux works is that you split apart your soul (by killing someone, which always damages your soul), and you hide the broken off piece in an object. That way if you ever die, your body will be gone but part of your soul will be safe and you can keep living without a body. Voldemort accidentally made Harry a horcrux on the night he killed Harry's parents.
Ok, so remember how Harry survived as a baby? His mom sacrificed herself for him, and that sacrifice made Voldemort unable to touch him. The curse rebounded instead of killing Harry. That protection remained in his blood, which is why Quirrell turned to dust when he tried to touch harry in the first book/movie. This pissed Voldemort off, so in the fourth one, when he was making his new creepy body, he used Harry's blood. Which, remember, still contains Harry's mom's protection.
That is what the prophecy meant. "Neither can live while the other survives". They are tied to each other because a part of Voldemort's soul is in Harry, and Harry's mother's protection is in Voldemort's blood. As long as Voldemort was alive, Harry could not die, and as long as Harry was alive, Voldemort could not die. But when Harry walked into the forrest and sacrificed himself, he was hit with a killing curse. His soul was safe, because of the blood, but Voldemort killed the part of his soul that was in Harry, making him finally able to be killed.

Justin Bieber's Eulogy (My final for Oral Comm class)

Special Occasion Speech
Dellanie Couture
COMM 1000

I. Intro
A. Attention Getter/WIIFM/Thesis/Preview of Main Points: Welcome, everyone, and thank you for joining us today. We are here to help the Bieber family mourn the death and celebrate the life of their son, Justin. He is survived by his parents, Jeremy Bieber and Patricia Mallette, and his half brother and sister, Jaxon and Jazmyn. The young pop star was killed in a tragic car accident; it feels as though it were much too soon for him to go.

[Transition: However, death is a truth we cannot avoid, and we must go on, as he would have wanted us to. ]

II. Body
A. He was born to his mother, Patricia, when she was only 18, and his parents divorced soon after. Patricia raised her son as a single mom with the help of her parents.

B. When he was young, Justin did say much about wanting to do anything musical. Instead, he was interested in hockey, soccer, and even chess. He got his musical start at a talent show in 2007, when he was merely 12.

i. He sang “Sick” by Ne-Yo, and his mother uploaded the recording to YouTube. His mother then continued uploading videos of Justin singing, and his channel became more and more popular.

ii. In 2008, a marketing executive for So So Def, Scooter Braun, found one of Justin's videos by accident. After much deliberating and praying, Patricia decided to let Justin, then 13, go for it, and that, as they say, was history.

C. However, it's not always easy being a teen idol.

i. Justin had to find time in his schedule for his music, school, and time with his family. He had to deal with crowds of crazed fans and mobs of preteen girls who adored him.

a.) It's hard to be a normal teenager when everyone knows who you are and is obsessed even to the point of a haircut making the news. (pause for giggles)

ii. He's also had to deal with considerable criticism from those who are less than impressed with his singing.

a.) There are many people who are very vocal about not liking Justin, mostly internet posters, specifically from YouTube and 4chan. He's been criticized for looking and sounding a lot younger than he is, as well as the amount of media attention and fan adoration he receives. He also gets made fun of because of the types of songs he likes to sing, namely love songs.

iii. Of course, Justin dealt with the fame, gossip, and criticism with class, like the good- natured person he is...was.

a.) For instance, there was the time he went to the beach with his girlfriend, Selena Gomez. Mistaken for a topless young girl, Justin made the news as the person who flashed everyone on the beach that day. (pause again) He merely laughed along with everyone else instead of getting angry.

b.) He never got angry at his internet critics. “They're just jealous,” he said, on more than one occasion.

[Transition: Yes, Justin was an example of how to be humble and famous at the same time, a lesson in grace itself.]

III. Conclusion
A. Summary of the Main Points: Justin taught us many things, and could have taught us many more. This event is bittersweet; he's in a better place now, but we miss him all the same. His death was unexpected and tragic, but we shouldn't dwell on it, or the sadness will consume us.
B. Clincher: Instead, we should focus on his life and how he lived. He will live on in our memories. Remember, as Thomas Campbell said, “To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.” We will now dismiss you row by row to view the body. Please wait until the ushers call you forward. Thank you.

Questions, Part 2: 1st Intallment

     Elina hummed as she danced about the kitchen preparing dinner, her waist-long brunette hair swinging about her waist. Her father, Pharon, would be home soon and she wanted to make sure that she had a full meal waiting when he arrived. After all, he had been working so hard lately, trying to get the fields all plowed. Her mouth puckered into a frown as she thought. It was getting much more difficult for him, considering his age. She pleaded with him to hire a farmhand, but he wouldn't hear of it. She sighed and went back to her cooking; the least she could do for him was make sure he ate well. Her brown eyes watched the bread as it baked in the brick oven as she stirred the soup. This meal was going to be a good one. She licked off a drop of soup that had landed on her tanned skin and laughed. She should really pay more attention when dealing with hot things!
     She heard a knock at the door. Was her father here already? That couldn't be a good sign. Readying herself for bad news, she went to the door and opened it.
     "Oh!" She gasped in surprise. Instead of her father, as she expected, it was a boy. Elina stepped back, closing the door a little. Her father had always warned her against opening the door while she was home alone. Now she knew what he was talking about. This boy was not from around here.  His deep blue eyes, set into an oval face, watched her every movement, staring. His hair was cut very close to his head, though she could tell it was nearly black. He had very fair skin in the places that weren't burnt bright red from the sun. And that happened to be a very large area of skin as he had no shirt on, weird, and- was that a sword on his back? Around his neck was a turquoise necklace with a metal pendant that had some weird symbol etched on it.
     He said something, pulling her from her study of him. "I'm sorry, what did you say?" She flashed him a smile, hoping that he wasn't one of those men her father was always telling her about. He said something again, but it was completely unintelligible, reaffirming her belief that he definitely wasn't from around here. Why in the world was a random traveler here? They were pretty far from anything. In fact, the nearest town was 10 miles away, at the edge of their land. And the main road went the other way through town, completely bypassing her father's farm. Whatever the reason, she couldn't understand a single word he said.
     "I'm sorry, but I don't understand what you say." She shook her head, showing him that she didn't know what he was saying.
     "Oh, I apologize. I forgot that you wouldn't understand me." Elina paused in the middle of shaking her head. What? She looked at him puzzled.
     "You speak our language too?" He nodded.
     "Shouldn't I? You don't understand mine." He had a point.
     "Alright, that makes sense. It's just that most travelers only know one language: ours or their own. You're the first I've ever seen that knew two."
     He didn't say anything, just continued that blank stare. She wrinkled her brow. He certainly was an odd one. Now he seemed to be waiting for something. What could he be waiting for? Oh. Right.
     "Can I help you?"
     "I need a place to stay for the night." Elina hesitated. He hadn't given her any reason to distrust him, and surely, judging by the looks of his arms and chest, he could have gotten past her into the house whether or not she agreed. Still, her father's warning words were playing in her mind. "Please. I've come a long way and my body is exhausted." He really did look tired. She made up her mind, though it might get her in trouble with her father.
     "Alright, come on in." She led him into the house, mentally beating herself up for not having cleaned it up earlier. "Okay, so, this is the living room, over there's the dining room, and around that corner is the kitchen." He merely watched as she pointed, looking to each room as she gestured. "I'm sure you must be really tired, so I'll show you where you can wash up and then you can sleep until dinner." He looked at her and she felt her face flushing. She then cursed silently at herself for being so silly. She purposefully marched up the stairs and down the hall to the washroom. She showed him the pitcher and the cloths for washing and then took him to their spare room.
     "Now that you know where everything is, you can just stay here until I call you when dinner's ready, okay?" He nodded and unbuckled the sword belt, tossing it on the bed, along with a pack she hadn't seen earlier. Elina then realized she should probably leave so he could wash and so she could finish dinner. As she was walking through the door, she turned and asked, "What's your name?"
     "...Christopher."
     "Okay. It was nice to meet you, Christopher.
     With that, she hopped down the stairs and into the kitchen, reflecting on her strange visitor. She could almost hear her father yelling at her now...