It was the day before the announcement of the Cutter, and Nannoc and Lily's plan to escape was no further along than before. They had pretty much decided it was hopeless, though neither would admit that to the other. Most of the time, Lily was just a hair's breadth away from bursting into sobs. Nannoc tried his best to comfort her, but he truly had given up hope. He knew that he needed to get used to the fact that Lily was going to die, but he couldn't get his mind around it. This girl, Lily, was special to him. She couldn't just die, not so callously, and especially not by his hand. He had begun doing a lousy job on his chores so that maybe he wouldn't get picked as the Cutter so he wouldn't have to kill her.
Not that he'd be able to kill her even if he were chosen. Nannoc had been trained all his life (roughly 17 years, according to Lily. The People didn't measure how old they were.) to get rid of all emotion, but he knew that once he was up there, facing Lily and having to...He couldn't even think it anymore! He would rather kill himself than deal with that. And if he were chosen, that's what he would do. He would jump into the fire or use the sword to kill himself. According to Lily's explanations, there was a life after this one, and everyone ends up there. So they would just meet again in that place, which had to be better than here. Of course, he didn't tell Lily any of this. If he told her that he was going to kill himself before he killed her, she would probably have a mental breakdown.
As she lay with in his lap, Nannoc stroked Lily's red hair, deep in thought. In such a short time, merely two months, she had taught him so much. Everything she had taught him had changed him slightly. No, hadn't changed him, had made him realize something he already knew to be true about himself; he had just never explored very far into himself. She brought out the best in him. He decided that he didn't want anyone but her to be his girl. He didn't want to tell her that, seeing as she was probably going to die within the next 48 hours.
"Nannoc." Lily's voice brought him out of his thoughts.
"Hmm?"
"Please be completely honest. Do you think I'm going to get out of this horrid place alive?" He looked anywhere but her eyes.
"I will help you get out of here in any way I can." He felt a lump rise up in his throat. Damn, why now? Not in front of Lily; he had to think of her and keep her calm.
"That didn't answer my question." Her voice sounded far away, as if she had already died and was talking to him from the Other Place. No! He shouldn't think of things like that!
Nannoc opened his mouth to reply, but no words came out. They wouldn't fit over the bump in his throat. Tears threatened to pour out his eyes. He closed them, but that just made it worse.
"It's okay. I can tell you're just trying to be nice. You think I'm going to die, don't you?" He opened his eyes to look into her own tear-filled eyes. Such a pretty green-brown. Unable to say anything, Nannoc just nodded, and the tears began to fall. "Don't cry, Nannoc. You'll make me start to cry."
He pulled her up into his arms. "Just know that whatever happens, Lily, I love you. This two months has been worth anything that could happen in the next few days." She said nothing back, but sat in his arms until she finished crying.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Later in the day, Nannoc went to the lake to bathe. He liked using it as a place to think because very few people ever seemed to be there. Especially now. Everyone was too busy or excited to waste their time on a bath. There was time enough after the Initiation. Nannoc went through all the facts, hoping there was some chance of escape that he had overlooked. Chances were, that, although he had been doing a terrible job at his chores lately, he would still be chosen as the Cutter. Immediately after being chosen, he would be taken before the Elder to be given the Identity Necklace and to choose his wives from the available women. Nannoc stopped. That was it! The idea that would save Lily's life and bring them both out of this purgatory.
He ran from the water, taking only a few seconds to shake himself dry, then jumped into his trousers as he headed towards the exit. He was in such a hurry as he put on his robe that he merely shoved his arms into the sleeves, neglecting to close the front or put up the hood. Everyone who saw him in the tunnels either stared at him like he was crazy or looked around for what was chasing him. However, Nannoc didn't have any time to explain; he had to get his idea to Lily so she would know what to expect come tomorrow.
Lily glanced up when he ran in, looking slightly worried. He probably did look rather frightening, but he put her at ease presently.
"Lily, I think I've figured out how we can both get out of here alive!" The shocked expression on her face was priceless. He couldn't help but grin.
"Really? What is it?!" He heard the desperation edged with panic in her voice.
"Calm down. Calm down."
She grabbed the edges of his robe and pulled. "Don't tell me to calm down! Just tell me your idea!" She was quite a bit more worked up than the numbed-out version from earlier.
"As you know, tomorrow is the announcement of the Cutter. Well," he continued, noticing that she was about to interrupt, "Something you probably don't know is that immediately after the Cutter is chosen, he goes before the Elder and gets the Identity Necklace, that shows everyone else that your status as and Adult and your name, and chooses his wives." Lily slowly released the front of his robe, pulling away from him. What was wrong? Surely she understood what he meant now. "Instead of choosing any one of the women from the People, I could choose you. After that we could run away together and no one would even notice. They probably wouldn't even care!" She turned around and put her face in her hands. "Hey, Lily, what's wrong? You should be happy..." Nannoc went over to hug her, but she shoved him away.
"I can't do it. I can't marry you." Huh? Oh.
"It doesn't have to be for real. We would know that we weren't really getting married, and that's all that matters. Although, honestly, I wouldn't mind marrying you..." He went to her again, only to get pushed away harder this time.
"No, you don't understand! It would be marriage, whether you want to believe that or not, that's what it would be. I don't want to marry anyone. I'm too young; I'm only 15! I shouldn't be thinking about marriage yet, I should still be living a care-free life!" Lily was going into hysterics. To Nannoc, this seemed like an extreme overreaction. After all, he had just found a way to save her life; she should be grateful. He found himself getting annoyed by her lack of thanks.
"You have no other choice but death!" She stopped mid-sentence to look at him. He hoped he didn't look too angry, but enough was enough. "I told you that the marriage would be fake. We don't even believe in 'marriage' in that sense, it's just a male picking out a mate. It's not like what the Outsiders do." Lily dissolved into tears. Damn. He hadn't wanted to make her cry. He only wanted to point out that it was just a tool, though he would always believe in the validity of it. However, he didn't want to make her disagree again; he just wanted to get her out of here in one piece.
"Nannoc...." Her voice wavered as she spoke. "I can't do it. I just can't. I'm not ready for anything like that. Even though you say it's not a commitment, it would feel like it to me. I can't dishonor something like that, so it's not something I can just do. I...I just can't."
He stared at her, not understanding. Commitment? Dishonor? He had already told her that this wasn't something binding, though she apparently still saw it as such. His bright mood deflated, he turned around and started to leave. He called over his shoulder as he left, "You'll change your mind tomorrow." In his head he added when your life is on the line. She'll realize that what I'm saying is true: this isn't something binding. Just a necessary action to get out of these wretched caves. She'll see that tomorrow.
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